


Not Alone

by DestinedForDisaster



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Cancer, Early Johnlock, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Post Reichenback, attempted suicide, mystrade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinedForDisaster/pseuds/DestinedForDisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sherlock is given some devastating news, he completely shuts down. After an incident that makes John reassess what Sherlock means to him, he is left to deal with Sherlock who is on the verge of falling back into the past. When Mycroft struggles to cope with the problems with his brother, he finally relies on Greg for support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Truth

**Author's Note:**

> I will update as regularly as possible, however I currently have exams going on at the moment and also have some personal problems to deal with! After writing more than 4 chapters of this story, the content became a very close subject to me, however it has made me more determined to finish and has helped me manage! Please enjoy and review, it means the world x

It was mid-march, early afternoon, a year after the fall. Sherlock and I had just returned home from a particularly complex and emotionally challenging – for me at least – case, involving the murder of a mother of two young children whom at that time had been pregnant with her third. The case had taken at least 3 days to solve – Sherlock claimed to have worked it out in 2 hours but was just waiting on hard evidence - but it had turned out that the woman in question had been located by some old school ‘friends’ whom still had a vendetta against her as they had been expelled after horrendous bullying.

But anyway, like I said, mid-march, he was stressed, I was upset and neither of us had slept in two days. So when we entered 221b to discover that Mrs Hudson had left a note informing us that she had gone to bingo and wouldn’t be back until late, we were both rather relieved not to have the old woman fussing. We immediately proceeded up onto the first floor where we fell, exhausted into our respective chairs and sighed.

And that’s when it happened. Okay, maybe not the ‘it’ you’re hoping for but it’s still a big ‘it’.

Sherlock, cold, emotionless Sherlock, began to cry silently in his chair. His face was straight and his mouth was tightly shut, but his eyes. His beautiful, mysterious, tear-filled eyes gave away the pain he harboured and betrayed his cold exterior by letting the droplets run down his face as I watched in in shock.

“Sherlock?” I asked as I leant forward in my chair. “What’s going on?”

“John,” He began in a voice very unlike his own. “I need to tell you something of upmost importance; however I need to ask one think from you. You let me finish.”

“Of course.”

“John, you’ve saved my life so many times and in so many ways and you are the most important thing in my life. I need you to understand how much I care. You made me feel more in the last 5 years than I have in my whole life, so thank you.” He whispered, avoiding my eyes. Tear after tear slid down his pale, thin cheeks as he spoke in a pained voice.

“Sherlock, what’s going on? You’re scaring m-“ I began but I was cut off by a woman’s high pitched voice outside the door.

“Sherlock!”

It was Molly.

“Molly, come in, please take a seat.” He replied as he turned his face away.

“Sherlock?” I asked again, I could feel my heart beating quicker and quicker.

“John,” Molly began when Sherlock didn’t answer. “Sherlock had some news this morning. He’s um, he’s got, a um-“

“Molly just tell him!” Sherlock replied impatiently, the anger was apparent in his voice as he turned to face me. His eyes were now red and wide.

“Tell me what, if someone doesn’t tell right now, I swear to god!” I began to shout.

“I’VE GOT A TUMOUR!” Sherlock roared, jumping up from his seat and going into his bedroom before slamming the door behind him.

“Molly, please tell me this isn’t happening!”

“Sh-Sherlock has a cancerous tumour in his brain. I’m so sorry John.” And then she began to tell me the story of how this had come to their knowledge but I was barely listening.

“But he’ll be okay right, they can remove it or shrink or…” I began to hyperventilate.

“John.” She took my hands hers, tears slipping down her cheeks as she whispered “He’s not going to make it.”

I let out a strangulated sob as he ran my hand across my face, before taking a deep breath in.

“Look, Molly, thank you for your help, but I think Sherlock and I need to sit and talk now.” I croaked as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Of course, I’ll see myself out.”

Once she left, I went to Sherlock’s room. I found him lying on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He didn’t even seem to register me entering his room but I sat down beside him all the same.

“Sherlock.” I whispered. “Come here.”

I dragged him into my arms and held his head against my chest as he let out a badly concealed cry.

“Hey, don’t be afraid to cry.” And with that he sobbed.

He sobbed and he sobbed until all the came out was small hiccups. I wasn’t even aware that the man whom everyone thought was cold as ice was able to harbour so much emotion. But maybe it was that he held too much. His body shook violently as I rocked him back and forth, helpless tears slid down my cheeks as his shields went down. And that was how we remained for hours.

I cradled him as he slept, giving me time to process the depth and seriousness of what was happening.

He. Was. Dying.

Sherlock. Was. Dying.

I awoke it was almost 6. I looked around and found myself in Sherlock’s bed, he was still lying on my chest sound asleep. Then I saw it. The blood. Coming from Sherlock’s nose and ears and running onto my black and white striped jumper.

“Oh Jesus, Sherlock, Sherlock wake up.” I said as I shook him. He made as strange noise and half opened his eyes. “Sherlock, don’t move, I’m going to get my medical kit.”

I climbed out of bed and ran upstairs to my room and grabbed my medical bag which was at the bottom of my cupboard. Something which has come in handy many times when Sherlock has felt the need to get himself near fatally injured. I ran back down to Sherlock and sat cross legged on a pillow and put his head on my lap.

“Sherlock, I’m just going to clean you up a bit okay, can you hear me?”

“John, what’s happening to me?” He asked, the terror was evident in his voice.

“Nothing, you’re fine. Just stay still for me, I’m going to give Mycroft a call and we’ll get you to hospital. I’m not letting them give up on you just yet.” I told him as I washed away the blood with the saline solution, before filling his nose and ears with some sterile cotton wool so that the blood would clot.

“No. Mycroft.” He whispered once I’d finished, his face had gone pale and he looked like was going to pass out any minute.

“Sherlock, he is the only way we’re going to get you help.” I said, getting off the bed and calling Mycroft.

“J-John.” I heard an unfamiliar voice croak down the phone.

“Mycroft?”

“John, I’ve just been told about Sherlock’s condition and I saw what’s just happened on the CCTV in the flat. There’s a private ambulance on its way, I shall meet you there. Goodbye John.” And he hung up.  
And then the sirens were outside. And the paramedics were in the room. And Sherlock was being put on a stretcher.

He lay there staring at the ceiling as they carried him down the stairs. I grabbed for his hand and held it tightly as I followed them into the ambulance which was to take us to the private hospital where Mycroft was waiting for us.

“John?” Sherlock whimpered.

“I’m here.”

“Promise me that you won’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” I said and I felt his grip on my hand loosen.

A bit too much.

“Sherlock, Sherlock, stay awake for me. Keep talking to me, don’t fall asleep.” And he did, we kept him awake all the way to the hospital. I made him deduce everything about the paramedic who as it turned out was a lesbian adrenaline junkie who was currently having an affair with the gorgeous ambulance driver.

As soon as we reached the hospital, Sherlock was whisked away and I was taken to the relative’s room where I found Mycroft and Lestrade sat next to one another on the comfortable chairs, hands entwined and Mycroft’s head resting on Greg’s shoulder as the detective whispered words of comfort into his partner’s ear. They were both dressed smartly and looked as if they had been out, perhaps for dinner. I’d often wondered if the two of them where more than just acquaintances however, I never thought that they were anything more than just friends. How wrong I was.

“Mycroft, Greg!” I said as the two men greeted me – Greg with a tight hug and Mycroft with a handshake.

“Where’s Sherlock?” Asked Mycroft, his voice was calm but his eyes told a completely different story.

“He’s been taken for a scan; they want to see the change from his previous scans so that they can make their own prognosis.”

“He’s in the best hands, isn’t he Myc.” Greg said reassuringly. “John, we haven’t told Sherlock about us yet. We’re not quite sure how he’s going to react so we’ve been keeping it a secret.”

“How long have you two, you know?”

“Just after Sherlock’s ‘funeral’.”

“So nearly three years isn’t it Gregory.” Mycroft said as he slipped his hand back into his partners.

“How did you keep that a secret?” I asked, laughing in spite of the situation.

“With great difficulty, I’ve been living at his for the last year and a half, I mean, the amount of times Sherlock has turned up unannounced and we’ve been-“ Thankfully Mycroft cut him off.

“John doesn’t need to know about that, does he Gregory.” Mycroft said gently.

Before either of us could say anything, the doctor who had taken Sherlock away came in.

“Dr Watson, Mr Holmes, Detective Lestrade, please take a seat.” She said politely. “I’m Jo Saunders, Sherlock’s neurologist, I’m a senior consultant. We have taken a look at Sherlock’s scans and I do agree with what my colleagues said about the tumour being extremely large, however, I would like to put him on a course of chemotherapy to shrink the tumour so that we can operate. I am optimistic, but I need you to understand that because of the size of the tumour, the procedure is very risky.”

“Does Sherlock know all this?” Mycroft asked, his face was unreadable.

“That’s why I came to talk to you, Sherlock is refusing chemo, he doesn’t want any treatment and he is refusing to let any of my staff near him. Mr Holmes, would you like to speak to him?” Asked the doctor who was avoiding everyone’s eyes.

“I don’t know what good it will do, but I suppose anything is worth a go if it’ll make my little brother see sense.” Mycroft replied as he stood up. “You may want to come too, you could wait outside until I’ve finished.” And we followed the young medical professional towards a large room where Sherlock was lying on a bed staring at the ceiling.

Mycroft went in alone and shut the door behind him whilst Greg and I waited outside patiently.


	2. The Refusal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock breaks down. Completely. Will he ever get back up again? Is Mycroft enough to get him through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven't updated this, Llfe has been very hectic! Family bereavements, devestating news from my two best friends, then I broke my laptop charger, so I couldn't right or update, and I have exams for the next two weeks! I will start updating more often, I hope! Again, so sorry for the delay! This is dedicated to ameerawrites x

"He'll see sense won't he, I mean, he's just in shock right, he wouldn't really…" The detective trailed off as we stood in the white corridor of the hospital.

"I don't know what I'd do without him. Greg I… I…" I began to sob into the other man's shoulder.

"I know you do. It's a difficult business you know, being in love with a Holmes." Greg said softly, he didn't seem put off at all to have me crying on him.

"How long did it take you to realise?"

"Mycroft and I had been together for 6 months. At first it had just been about sex. If I'm honest, he would turn up at mine or I would turn up at his after a hard day and then we would just leave. There was no real emotion involved, but as time went on, we'd stay a little longer, just to be in one another's company until we were with each other for days on end and that's when I realised. When I told him I thought he'd run a mile but instead he smiled and kissed me. It took him a while but he did say it and now here we are." Lestrade explained.

"I don't think Sherlock will ever feel the same way." I whispered sadly.

"When I got together with Mycroft I felt exactly the same way, but look at us now. We are hopelessly in love with one another and- John, can you keep something a secret?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to propose to him. I was going to take him out tonight and ask him to marry me but when I arrived at his, he was in tears after having just come off the phone from you."

"Congratu-" But I was cut off by the sounds off Mycroft and Sherlock fighting from inside the room.

Lestrade and I ran into the room to find Sherlock pinned on the floor, Mycroft trying to prise a scalpel from his grip as he held the younger sibling to the floor.

"Press the panic button!" Mycroft said as he finally took the scalpel away and handed it to Lestrade.

Almost immediately, a group of nurses came running in and one of them injected a sedative into Sherlock's arm. The three of us left the room as a barely conscious Sherlock was placed back into his bed.

"What the hell happened?" Greg asked as soon as we shut the door behind us. He placed his hand on Mycroft's face and stroked the red mark on his cheek with his thumb.

"He tried to kill himself. He said that he didn't want chemo because he had nothing to live for and he wasn't prepared to go through what our father went through for nothing." Mycroft said, tears in his eyes.

"But what about…" I said, coming to the realisation that Sherlock really didn't know.

"He said that you would never forgive him for what he did."

"John, you have to tell him. If you don't want us to lose him then you have to tell him how you feel, make him realise that he has you." Greg told me. He was right.

I hugged Greg in thanks and entered the private room where Sherlock lay, barely awake.

"He'll come round properly in a few minutes but he won't be strong enough to get up properly for a few hours. I'll leave you two to talk, however I must inform you that Psych will be down to make an assessment in the morning, but for now, try to talk to him. This is his only hope of survival." Jo placed a comforting hand on my arm. "I need to go see my other patients, but I've had a word with the Director of Surgery who has agreed to let you stay in one of the on call rooms. You've got about an hour before Sherlock will be forced to sleep so try and wrap it up by then." I didn't even notice her leave after checking his obs.

I sat myself beside him, watching over him, guarding him, protecting him from harm.

"I love you so much Sherlock, why can't you see that?" I whispered, half to myself.

"See what?" Crooked the detective, coming round from the slumber that had been forced upon him.

"Why Sherlock, why?" I sighed, looking at him sadly, trying toconceal my pity so that he wouldn't push me away.

"Because I can't. Not alone, with nothing waiting for me if I do make it." Sherlock said calmly, looking at the door to most likely avoid making any eye contact.

"Nothing waiting for you? What do you think I'd be doing Sherlock? Off gallivanting around the world whilst you suffer through your chemo?" I said angrily, my hurt coming out in the worst possible way.

"You know that's not what I meant. But I have nothing to fight for and nobody to fight for me."

"You have me." I said simply.

"Not like that I don't." He replied, finally look at me straight in the eyes.

"Like what?" I replied, my heart beating faster and faster as his eyes bore into me like daggers.

"You know what."

"Yes, I do. And I want you to know that you have me in every way." He gasped slightly." You always have and you always will." I whispered, taking his hand in mine.

"Really?" He questioned, I could tell that he wasn't quite sure if he believed what his ears were telling him.

"Really." I confirmed, putting my free hand on the side of his face and kissing him gently.

We pulled apart and he looked at me and smiled, tears streaming down his face, a small sob escaping his lips. I kissed him again, this time for longer, almost as a way of telling him that I wasn't going to leave him. I tangled my fingers in his hair, playing with the messy ringlets as he placed one hand on my chest, feeling my heart beating rapidly. When we pulled apart again, Sherlock dissolved into a sobbing mess that apart from last night, I'd never dreamed that I'd ever see him like.

"Please don't leave me." He wept, the guilt that overcame me for not making my feelings clear from the start, reduced me to silent tears.

"Never." I said after what felt like forever. "Move over."

I climbed in beside him, letting him rest his head upon my chest as our hands entwined without a second thought.

Sherlock moved his mouth up to my ear, his soft breath upon my face sent quivers down my spine. "I love you John." He said in a barely audible whisper.

"I love you too." I said looking into his haunted grey eyes, the mysterious pools drawing me closer and closer until our lips were together once again.

"Is this enough for you to have waiting for you?" I pondered allowed as we broke apart.

"Most definitely."

"Prove it." I said, moving him off me before getting off the bed and walking over to the table where the consent forms for chemotherapy lay. I handed them to him, kissing him softly on the head and walking to the door. "No matter what your decision, I'll be here for you. But if you accept the treatment then we could have the rest of our lives together. I'm not allowed to stay in your room overnight, but I've done my best and they're allowing me to sleep in the on call room as I'm a doctor. If you need anything, press the button above your head. Goodnight love."

And then I left.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed, please leave a review. Till next time x


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